


she'll never be that girl again

by Anzie (anzie)



Category: X-Men (Movies), X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Drabble, F/M, Gen, Oneshot, Pseudo-Incest, Standalone, Unrequited Love, i don't know if there's a tag for that?, i don't mention any of them, just saying, not loving someone for who they are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-23
Updated: 2014-02-23
Packaged: 2018-01-13 12:58:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1227229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anzie/pseuds/Anzie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>aka The One You Want Me To</p><p> </p><p>There she was under his wing, his baby bird, his pet, his sister. She was all of those to him and at thirteen Raven thinks she’s in love with him. Figures, ‘What’s one more?’</p>
            </blockquote>





	she'll never be that girl again

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't shipped a straight pairing so hard in so long. But there we go. 
> 
> Takes place somewhat during the X-Men: First Class movies. Uh, took some liberties with some things. Short, first drabble fic for the X-Men, only because I realized we were sorely lacking in Erik/Raven fics. 
> 
> Maybe I'll come up with more? I don't actually know. Oh well. Enjoy.

_Say something,_   
_I'm giving up on you._

She thinks she's in love with Charles from the very beginning, that very first day they meet - "I always believed I was the only one in the world... the only person who was different," and, "Here you are," because there she was, there she was living a life that Charles convinced his household she's always lived. There she was under his wing, his baby bird, his pet, his sister. She was all of those to him and at thirteen Raven thinks she's in love with him. Figures, 'What's one more?'

But Charles has never expressed any interest of the sort toward her, never looked at her with anything more than fond brotherly exasperation or annoyed resignation. He's not ever let a hand stray farther than it should, never let his eyes linger or wander like they do when they're laid upon a woman much more beautiful and much less sisterly than Raven. And Raven lies awake at night when Charles's too-familiar mind brushes unknowingly against her own in the peak of his exercise with his latest attraction, pouring feelings that leave her flushed and aching and she wants.

She's still in love with Charles when she reluctantly nurses Erik in his half-drowned state while Charles plays James Bond with Moira MagTaggert. She's still in love with him when she walks up to Hank and thinks that he's one man who might understand her. And when she kisses them both she's still in love with Charles. Charles, who disapproves quietly in her head at her advances on Erik and cheers her on when she gets closer to Hank. Charles, who never touches her, never looks at her like she's anything more than his annoying little sister.

But the tides were beginning to turn and Raven can't pinpoint exactly when her feelings for Erik start (maybe when he said, "Have you ever looked at a tiger and thought you ought to cover it up?" or maybe when he kissed her like it was pity and possession and desire all swirled into one mess of emotion) and when her feelings for Charles begin to ebb (at, "Even if we save the world tomorrow, and mutants are accepted into the society, my feet and your natural blue form will never be deemed beautiful," and she doesn't want that, she doesn't want to hide but she's a woman and she wants some kind of power in this patriarchal world that isn't genetic mutation), or if they ever existed at all. Raven is one person who knows her body so well she can transmute herself into someone else but when it comes to the mind it's always been Charles who knows best and this time Charles isn't helping her at all.

She tried to find some sort of contentment in Hank because he's easy, simple and she can deal with that; he's a good choice but he's not necessarily the right one ("You've never looked better," Erik said to him and his reaction struck her harder than she thought, and not just because he was willing to strangle Erik; he's not right for her because he'll never accept her for who she is and she knows that.)

She knew that when Erik held out his hand to her. "No more hiding," he says and she walks towards him (but he's not her first destination because he's Erik and Erik's dangerous and mad and she's in love with Erik but she's been in love with Charles first, longest).

Raven stops with Charles and he tells her that he knows. Tells her to go.

It's not a blessing but it's good enough.

Charles would never give her his blessing because he's Charles and Charles doesn't think it's his right to give her his blessing for the lineage they don't share, the blood that doesn't tie them together. She was in love with Charles but she takes Erik's hand, and Erik is the one she should have been waiting for in the first place.

_It killed me but I survived,_   
_and now I'm coming alive._


End file.
